The Silence of Secondary Infertility

Seven years ago, a season of my life began that will forever be remembered.  It was the beginning of a season of learning to trust God’s perfect timing and in hindsight, realizing I never had any control of the timing in the first place.  It is our story and struggle with secondary infertility.

My husband, Luke and I, were married in February of 2006.  Prior to our wedding, we had both decided we would immediately not “try” to get pregnant, but we wouldn’t take any precautions to NOT get pregnant either. Due to some health issues of mine and a couple of years of birth control use, we knew getting pregnant may not come easy for us.  To our surprise and delight, we discovered three weeks later, I had gotten pregnant on our honeymoon!  The picture here is of me and our precious first born, taken June 2008.

We were happy and fairly content, so we thought.  Seven years ago, in May, we decided it was time to begin trying to conceive a second child.  We ideally wanted our children to be three years apart.  Risking getting pregnant immediately again, we knew they would be over two years apart, our minimum hope in age difference.  Anyhow, if you have ever actively decided to try to conceive a child, whether it was one month or still going on today, you know how quickly it can consume your thoughts.  We said we really didn’t care we weren’t pregnant those first few months.  I remember half joking with my husband, I was relieved my pregnancy test was negative when my sister-in-law announced her second pregnancy.  But honestly, hind sight, I can admit a part of me was jealous and a part of me was thankful.  This happened in August, our four month of actively trying to conceive.  Months passed.  No one really knew we were trying at this point except a few close friends.

For that reason, I write this post and begin to share our secondary infertility story (which I dislike calling it now that we have a second child).  As May begins and Mother’s Day approaches, I am reminded of how truly blessed I am.  I am reminded of two Mother’s Days in 2009 and 2010 when I felt I should be thankful for the beautiful daughter in my arms, yet yearned for another.  To all the women who are secretly dreading Mother’s Day or another month of negative results, my thoughts and prayers are with you.  If you can step out of your comfort zone, let others know.  Feel no shame.  No guilt.  No condemnation.  As Jeremiah 29:11 states and is often quoted, God has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  It may not be clear in this time or season, but lean into HIM.  Also, I want you to feel free to reach out to me.  Leave me a comment.  Send an e-mail.  I will be sharing more of our story in the days to come.

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” ~ Matthew 17:20

Have faith.  In Jesus.